When Speaking Up Backfires: A Work From Home Diary

You would think working from home would protect you from office drama. No awkward hallway moments, no forced coffee machine small talk but just you, your laptop, and the occasional breaks.

But toxic leadership finds you even in your pajamas.

Let me take you through few instances where simply being honest and asking logical questions landed me on the receiving end of cold shoulders, critical emails, and a whole lot of gaslighting.

The "Promotion" That Was Actually a Demotion..

Our company restructuring, impacted (me with many others) in a way that to me it felt like a betrayal. My job title had changed, quietly without warning, from a management level title to a partially technical, hands on one.

Naturally, I brought it up since it didn't align with my career aspirations. I questioned this decision (although I knew it doesn't change anything, I still had to) as we were not hired for what we were expected to do now in addition. My director told me, straight-faced, that it had already been discussed with my manager and I had “agreed or never expressed any concerns.”

As a matter of fact, there was no such discussion with my direct line Manager and I informed my Director, calmly but straight. To my shock, from the very next day, the retaliation began with one critical email after another, all carefully crafted to chip away at my credibility.

Another Instance, Where The Process Made No Sense (and Still Doesn’t)...

Not long after, I raised an issue with the same Director, that demonstrated a gap in our work process. My team was asked to complete documentation of a task where we weren’t the ones who did the actual work but another team was. Logically, they should have documented it.

My director’s response was another level. She pointed to another study run by someone in her inner circle and said, “She did it, why can’t you?” Well, I did my homework. Turned out, this person had not actually done the documentation either but instead she just signed off on it. The work and documentation was still done by the other team. I forwarded this fact to my director.

As expected, no response. no acknowledgment. Just silence and more nitpicking over things that suddenly seemed urgent.

Back From Vacation, Straight Into a Fire..

After a short vacation, I came back to chaos. One of my projects had gone sideways. My director had taken it upon herself to email the client while I was out, without running anything by me and the message she sent was full of inaccuracies. The client wasn’t happy and escalated the issue.

Her solution was to blame me. “You should’ve handled this earlier,” she said. I reminded her, I had been on leave and that she never even consulted me. But it didn’t matter. She needed someone to pin it on and I was back, so I was it.

The Appraisal That Wasn’t a Discussion

You know how performance reviews are supposed to be two way discussions but not in my case.

My 1:1 with my manager (who, to be fair, directly reported to the same director) was a one way street. I asked questions, raised concerns (because the feedback or comments were far from truth or was incomplete), and was met with, “Let me check with the Director”. Nothing came back.

When I finally saw the final appraisal comments from my Manager, it read: “All concerns addressed during the 1:1”. I had to laugh with no other choice.

Recognition but Not in This Office

Despite all this, I kept doing my job. My client even rated my work “Above Expectations.” That success directly benefited the director, since the project fell under her portfolio.

She didn’t acknowledge it. Not even a casual “good job” in a meeting. It was like it never happened.

Fast forward six months after I left the team, that same client downgraded the project. They called the team their “third choice,” and flagged the project as red. I won’t lie and I actually smirked. Some people say karma takes its time. However in this case, it showed up few months after I walked away from that team.

So What Did I Learn from all this?

Speaking up gets you labeled difficult in the wrong environments. Logic cannot win where egos are in charge. Working from home doesn’t protect you from bad leadership, it just moves the manipulation to emails and it makes it easy for such leaders.

And above all, you are not weak for leaving. You are smart for refusing to stay in a place that doesn’t value your contribution.

A Quick Look at What’s Really Going On

These weren’t just personal frustrations, they reflect real, proven patterns in dysfunctional organizations where psychological safety doesn't exist. When people are afraid to speak up, the culture dies.

Real leaders empower while insecure ones control and it is an easy guess as to which one I got. Appraisals become scripts when reviews are one sided, they are just performance control, not performance management.

Remote leadership needs more effort and just because you are not in the same room doesn’t mean communication can be lazy. It needs to be more intentional and not less.

Final Thoughts

I moved to a different team/role not because I gave up. I left because I finally realized I was shrinking in a space that wasn’t built for growth.

If you're going through something similar like gaslighting, retaliation or just plain bad management, know that you are not crazy or overacting. You are just in a system that rewards silence and punishes honesty.

If that is the case, you don’t need to change instead need to leave.

If you have been in a similar situation, drop a comment or send a message. Let’s stop pretending this kind of stuff is normal and start talking about it.

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